Thank you Jazz Fest & Montreal!

What it really felt like up there

I’m currently driving over the Champlain bridge on my way to a cover gig. These are rare shows for me, but much beloved. Ahead of my 2023 jazz fest shows, I played soul and disco covers weekly at Honey’s with some friends to keep my chops up.

This year, the prep was more logistical (half the band were subs), and I prayed that we’d had enough rehearsals to be ready. They KILLED it.

Photo by Sam Hanley

I couldn’t help but cover my face when I walked out on stage. The crowd stretched on forever, and I still can’t really grasp the whole affair. As the hour unfolded, I found myself playing a sort of Where’s Waldo game: there’s Camelia! There’s Alexy! There’s Emma! There’s Julius! There’s Tina! It was incredibly touching to see friendly and familiar faces. I felt beyond moved when I saw folks singing along to “Time Waits for No Woman,” and had this click in my head: this is what I’m meant to do.

Time moved strangely up there. It felt like the whole middle got scooped out; I’d find myself thinking “God, I’ve been up here forever,” followed quickly by “only two songs left!?” Months of anticipation and stressing and excitement for one little hour.

I don’t think it’s a normal experience to have, performing in front of that many people. I am not desensitized yet, so the volume sort of went over my head. Normally I feel sort of ill-fitted on stage, like my energy is too big and I need to either contain it or let it loose and scare people a little. Reigning it and channeling it on that stage felt like loosening the chain on an elephant who had no clue what to do with her freedom, yet. Friends of mine who’ve played the main stage have expressed a similar feeling of disorientation.

I tell you, I want more.

Photos by Sam Hanley

There was so much more I wanted to give to that crowd, both in song and in story, but we were limited with time. I can only hope that it was a nice 55 minutes for my beautiful city.

Bravo to the band: Max, Phil, Ben, Annabelle, Christian, Nora, and Kelowna, and to my parents for joining us for a song, to Sam, Andrew and Mike for capturing the show, and to Mariana for helping me with the beautiful video projections.

Now, I feel proud of what we did, and like I don’t know what to do with myself, like maybe I should quit, or like I should triple down. My to-do list is crazy long and I’m SO stoked for whatever comes next.

Thank you, Montreal, and everyone at the festival, for witnessing and receiving what we brought to you. See you super duper soon, keep me close <3

xx